by Lauren Martin:
Mature couples don’t “fall in love,” they step into it. Love isn’t something you fall for; it’s something you rise for.
Falling denotes lowering oneself, dropping down and being stuck somewhere lower than where you started. You have to get up from falling.
Love isn’t like that — at least not with people who are doing it right. Immature couples fall; mature couples coast. Because love is either a passing game, or it’s forever. Love is either wrong, or it’s right. A couple is either mature or immature.
How do you know? How can you tell if your relationship is in it for the long haul or the two-month plummet everyone predicted behind your love-obsessed back?
First, it should be easy, from the beginning to end. There are no passionate fights with passionate make-up sex. There’s no obsessive calling, texting or worrying.
There’s no real drama. Because drama is for kids. Drama is for people who don’t know how to have a relationship — who live by idealistic, preconceived notions that love must be wild and obsessive.
Love is easy. It’s the easiest thing you’ve ever done. It’s the calmest place in your life, the safest blanket you’ve ever worn. It’s something that happens naturally; it doesn’t need to be fought for day in and day out.
When you love someone, and he or she loves you, and there’s no doubt to his or her feelings and no doubt to yours, that’s peace of mind. A peace of mind you’ve never had before . . . the kind that humbles and revives you.
A mature relationship lives by this peace of mind; immature ones drown in it.
Immature relationships ask questions; mature relationships answer them.
Immature relationships are all about doubts. Does he love me? Is she cheating on me? Will we be together in two months?
Mature couples don’t need to ask questions. They already know the answers, and they don’t need reassurance from their partners.
They are comfortable and secure and free of doubt because mature love isn’t about all those small questions, but a comfort in knowing the big one is answered.
Immature relationships leave you wanting something; mature relationships give you what you need.
There’s a void in immature relationships, an apparent absence and incessant worry that something’s missing.
It eats away at you when you go to sleep or leave each other for just a few hours. It burns dimly when you’re together, but you wave it off with sex and constant chatter.
Mature relationships have no void. There are no empty spaces or tiny cracks. There is never a feeling that something has been taken away or is leaving with the other person.
The love between the two mature people fills every crack in the fiber of their being they didn’t know they had.
Immature relationships are striving to be one complete person; mature relationships are okay being two.
Immature relationships are formed by two incomplete people. They are two halves trying to make one whole.
They are two people looking for something that can’t be found in another person. They dominate each other, force themselves together and make one flawed mesh of a human.
Mature couples never strive to be one. They are two individual people looking to make two better people. The love between the two of them isn’t about making both of them whole again, but more individual.
It’s about pushing each other to pursue their passions, interests and become the best person possible.
Immature relationships lose their drive; mature relationships make you more motivated.
We all get wrapped up in love. It’s easy to spend days in bed and weekends in the hazy world of blankets and kisses.
But eventually, that smothering love is replaced with motivated love — a type of love that comes when you want to make a life with someone and work hard to get that life. Immature couples never get to this.
They never feel that motivation to leave each other only to come back more successful and more determined to make a life for the two of them.
Immature relationships fight over text messages; mature relationships are always face-to-face.
Fighting is natural; texting is not. Mature couples do not spend their days bickering over a screen.
When they have something to work out, they do it face to face — where the meanings can’t be misconstrued by emojis and auto correct. Immature couples fuel their relationship with incessant bickering and lengthy messages.
Immature couples see long texts as evidence of their “relationship” and find comfort in spending hours hiding behind their phones. They argue just to argue; mature couples fight for their future.
Immature relationships are about trying to find yourself; mature relationships already know themselves.
Relationships are only for two complete people looking for companionship, yet many incomplete people look for it to complete them. This is when mature relationships and immature ones split.
You can’t have a healthy relationship with two unhealthy people. When you’re trying to use someone to complete you, you’re creating an incomplete relationship.
Immature relationships are threatened by everyone else; mature relationships enjoy meeting other people.
There are always going to be people in your life, pasts to each person and surprises behind closed doors.
Mature couples, however, do not feel threatened by strangers and past lovers. They are confident in their love and their partner’s love.
Immature couples find threats in everyone. They’re delusional and paranoid because their love is superficial. They do not have a strong enough foundation to effortlessly glide past all the distractions and threats.
Immature relationships live by preconceived timelines; mature relationships let everything happen naturally.
There’s no right or wrong time to move in together. There’s no specific year to get married and definitely not a timeline for your life together.
When you’re in love, things happen at their own pace. You feel things, and you follow your heart.
Immature couples, however, don’t have those feelings, those instincts and those effortless moments. They make up rules and guidelines and assume time is the only thing that makes or breaks their relationship.
Immature relationships judge you on your past; mature relationships help you carry it.
We all have a past, and in many cases, one we’re not proud of. We can’t help what happened to people before we knew them. All that matters is how they are now. Immature couples, however, refuse to see beyond the past.
Mature couples don’t just accept one another’s pasts but want to help heal the wounds. They look beyond the mistakes and the flaws toward the beauty in the future together.