Conscious Relationships

yellow rose closeup
We are approaching a period of time when relationships are ready to go through a major redesign. The current paradigm isn’t working. People are unsatisfied in love; people don’t know how to make relationships work.

And, believe it or not, this isn’t a bad thing. Because when systems break-down, that’s when they change. I believe that’s what’s happening in the area of intimate partnership. The break-down is forcing us to move towards conscious love.

So what exactly is a conscious relationship?

It’s a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place.

As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.

But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfilment arise as a result.

So if you’re someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about. Welcome to the path of the conscious relationship. This is next-level love …

1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship – growth comes first.

Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you don’t care what happens! It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out.

What it means is: you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.”

The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.

Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.

We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves.

The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of out-growing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.

2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning their s#*t.

Conscious couples know that we all have wounds from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, overlooked and any other shitty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.

Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs.

The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.

3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned.

In a conscious relationship, there’s room to feel anything. Not only that, there’s room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory… it’s not easy to do. But it’s also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership
It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.

Like I already said, we’re used to moulding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.

The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love.

4. The relationship is a place to practice love.

Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.

Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.

Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?” The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before!

The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.”

Source: Shelly Bullard



woodenchess pieces

I don’t want to be possessed.
I don’t want you to tell me I’m yours.
I don’t want to give in to the societal story line that love comes with need.

I don’t want you to need me.
I don’t need you.

It isn’t romantic to me when you tell me you need me. It isn’t romantic to me when I see you pretending to be something you aren’t, just so that I’ll stay with you. It isn’t romantic to me to hear the words “I can’t live without you.”
I want you to understand that needing isn’t a sign of love. It’s a sign of co-dependence. It’s a sign that something isn’t healthy. Something has gone awry. It makes me think that you are a parasite who wishes to feed off me.
I will not be your drug. I will not give my blood to a vampire. I will not help your addiction.

Ignore the movies that show lovers as soul mates with the string of words “I need you.”

I need you to need nothing.
I need you to be complete on your own.
I want you to neither want nor need me to complete you.

I want you to not need love, but at the same time, I do want you to be willing to receive it.

This I cannot compromise on.
If you need love, it’s not for me to give it you, it’s you who needs to give it to yourself. But if you are already full with your own self-love, I want to give you more. I want to overflow your cup with love, knowing that there is no cup to fill. There is no limit to the soulful heart. There is no cap on love. It is abundant and it ought to be shared. Freely. Unconditionally. With no strings attached.

I don’t see the point in shallow relationships. I’m here to love you. I’m here to grow with you. I’m here to challenge you and make you feel safe all at once. I’m here to stand by your side as you heal your past wounds. I’m here to strengthen your strengths, not weaken your energy for my own gain. I’m here to love you unconditionally with a force so strong that anyone unworthy would be intimidated.

I’m here to make you realize that you are a king, and I’ll treat you as such every day.
I’m not doing this to be adorned as a queen, because I already know I am one.
I know my own power, and I know my own beauty.
All I ask is that you know your own kingdom, and step into your role with humble honor.

Forget what society told us relationships are supposed to be.
I don’t need to be your girlfriend, and I don’t need you to be my boyfriend.
Let’s strip off these titles just as easily as we strip off our clothing.
I see no need for attachment.
I have no desire for dependence.
I am not a half looking to be filled or made complete by another.
I am whole, and so are you.

I don’t want anything from you.
I just want to love you freely.

Let’s forget our names and our bodies, let’s get enraptured in the divine union of God and Goddess coming together.

Jenna Galbut

couple roses

“I didn’t come looking for you the day you uninvitedly appeared on my doorstep
How did we go from nonchalant conversation
to me waiting for you to turn me off
with corny jokes and mind dumbing conversation
To love and mind blowing chemistry that I’ve yet to make sense of
What are you here to teach me?”

Scarabs and Synchronicity

Last nite, I watched Cronos by Guillermo del Toro. This is a Mexican horror-drama movie with a refreshing spin on the usual vampire [read: blood] story. In the film, an alchemist created a golden scarab — a machine that gave the user eternal life. Admittedly, the flick was more entertaining than I expected and is now in my list of favourite horror comedies.

Cronos DVD cover

Today, I visited my favourite Metaphysical store Visions to check an item purchased for the store that I was looking for. The crystal turned out not exactly to my liking so I had to pass on it but something in the store did catch my eye. Since I was also looking for a wear-able moonstone, I’m now the proud owner of the sterling silver scarab pendant pictured below. The beetle pendant has garnet head, which reminds me of the sun, and a moonstone body, which reminds me of Khepri.  Khepri is among the oldest of Egyptian Gods; he moved the sun into the sky every morning. Khepri (morning sun) was said to be an aspect of Ra (midday sun) and was represented in Egyptian mythology as a scarab-headed man.

scarab moonstone garnet
My lovely scarab pendant

The scarab is powerful ancient symbol of creation, rebirth, and renewal. For me, it’s a reminder that the Universe likes to make inside jokes with me by revealing synchronicities like this film and this pendant in the sequence presented. I appreciate the new necklace I have and I love the balanced energy emanated by the moonstone and garnet combo 🙂

Working For Other People

From the Abraham-Hicks workshop in Albuquerque, NM on August 1st, 2000:

work tech mobile paper pen writing

Is it an employment “opportunity” or bondage? Because what you really want is freedom, many of you equate working for other people as bondage. But if you would realize that the corporation, as an entity, is not so different from the individual, it might be easier to understand the employer’s decisions. Long before the buildings or the workers, the visionary of the corporation had an idea for something that began summoning Energy.

So years later maybe you are hired as a part of that team and, without realizing it, you are now the beneficiary of that continuing flowing Energy. When you step into one of those employment positions, Life Force is summoned through you because of the vision of the founder—unless you’re bucking the current. Most get into that fast moving stream and paddle against the current—and then complain about it being a hard ride—where they could get into their canoe and easily paddle with the fast moving current.

You can soar and thrive in any environment as long as you are not seeing things that you are using as your reason to paddle against the current. And so, it doesn’t really matter what others are deciding. The questions is: “As I am choosing to stand here, it’s a way for dollars to flow through me in exchange for the effort I am offering. Am I predominantly letting the Energy flow through me, or not? Am I letting it in?


Abe Doings Daily

pure white dove

Abraham-Hicks recommends we all do the following:

  • meditate for 15 minutes
  • go outside everyday, no matter the weather; move around in it in appreciation of the planet; look up and around and find things to acknowledge and talk about it out loud: “you are my favorite stone on the pathway, you are my favorite flower not in bloom”
  • Write on positive aspects book; 5 subjects and write a page of positive aspects about each them
  • Look upward/outward (outside or by window) and acknowledge the universal forces that are focused right at me, call it by name, and say “I acknowledge that I am the object of your positive attention and I’m appreciating your continual gaze on behalf of my well being. And today, no matter where I am, no matter where I’m going, no matter what I’m doing, no matter who I’m doing it with, I will be in conscious awareness that you too are there with me. Appreciating me, supporting me, assisting me, acknowledging me, inspiring me, guiding me, having fun with me, helping me, aware of me, loving me, showing me, inspiring me, guiding me, uplifting me . . .”

Get into an endless loop of that acknowledgement and watch what begins to happen in your life as soon as this day begins.

Your Vortex is filled to the brim with specific requests that you have put there and that you are deserving of realization of, and it is time for those realizations to be flooding into your experience at a rate that will astonish those who surround you, it’s time for you to remember what you have put there and to bring it forward active into your today experience.

The Four Golden Threads

thread flowers
This article is inspired by the collective wisdom of a year-long Meetup group Victoria Fann co-facilitated in 2012 called The Enigma of Love. Twice a month, 24 men and women came together to share their experiences and insights about love.

In order for an intimate relationship to be healthy and sustainable, “The Four Golden Threads” — Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual — need to be active and connected between two people. When entering into an intimate relationship, many people don’t pause long enough to make sure that all of these threads are lit up and in alignment with their partner. This simple misstep can lead to short-term pain or long-term misery, especially when two mismatched partners get married and have children together. Ultimately, what’s missing in the beginning will be the thing that derails the relationship in the end.

Think about it. In the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and fresh, we often tell ourselves, “So what if everything’s not quite what we’re looking for?” However, over time, little bits of compromise creep in. We see what we want to see and ignore the rest. It’s usually months or years later, in retrospect that we see that the clues of what went wrong were always there; we just chose not to pay attention to them.

Let’s first examine each of “The Four Golden Threads” with special attention to the impact of their absence:

If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent physical connection, what might that look like?

-No chemistry
-No passion or excitement
-No playful flirting and fun
-No meaningful or close feelings of intimacy
-No deep levels of affection

If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent emotional connection, what might that look like?

-No shared vulnerability
-No healing of emotional wounds
-No understanding of your emotional states
-No compassion or empathy for your experience
-No real nurturing or heartfelt affection

If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent intellectual connection, what might that look like?

-No one to share your big picture interests
-No one to talk with for long hours into the night
-No one to share your favorite movies, music, theater, books, etc.
-No one to continually pique your interest and curiosity
-No one to learn new things from

If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent spiritual connection, what might that look like?

-No shared values or vision
-No one to witness your experiences
-No one to support you as you navigate the inner realms
-No one to see and recognize your Higher Self
-No spiritual companion

It’s much easier to see when spelled out this way. Once you recognize the warning signs, you might not want to get involved with someone you thought was a perfect partner after all. Far better to open your eyes, get some clarity before you make a long-term commitment and find yourself in the land of regret. In addition, when one of The Four Golden Threads is missing, you’ll always have that gnawing feeling in the core of your being telling you something’s wrong.

Examining “The Four Golden Threads” helps us to move this subject out of the closet, where it’s vague and hidden, into the light to be seen. Once illuminated, we can recognize our patterns of behavior.

Why then, are so many of us willing to compromise and leave one of these four threads out? More than likely it’s due to the following:

-Fear of being alone
-Wanting someone (anyone) to share life’s experiences with
-Not believing that someone with all four areas of compatibility is out there
-A lack of trust in life
-A desire to escape from one’s self
-Pressure from friends and family to be in a relationship
-A willingness to settle for less than you deserve

This list helps to clarify something that can be difficult to see and opens up the possibility of making different choices going forward.

Now that we’ve shed some light on what can happen when one of The Four Golden Threads is missing, let’s imagine what it would be like to partner with someone with whom all Four Golden Threads connect.

Your Partner…

… shares vulnerabilities with you
… is willing to help you heal your emotional wounds
… understands your emotional states
… is compassionate and has empathy for your experience
… shares your interests
… supports your creative expression
… enjoys talking with you for long hours into the night
… enjoys sharing your favorite movies, music, theater, books with you
… continually piques your interest and curiosity
… is attracted to you
… enjoys meaningful or close feelings of intimacy with you
… frequently expresses deep levels of affection with you
… has chemistry with you
… shares and supports your beliefs, values and life purpose
… wants to witness your experiences
… supports you as you navigate the inner realms
… loves you unconditionally, both your gifts and your wounds

This may sound idealistic and a bit too good to be true, however, when you look at the option of leaving one of those things out, it doesn’t seem even worth pursuing a relationship like that. Does this mean we need to seek the impossible in a partner? Do we need to look for the perfect match?

No, neither of those things.

It means we need to look for the perfect partner for us. We’re not looking for a pie-in-the-sky dream partner, we’re looking for someone whose gifts and wounds match well with our own. In other words, when you meet someone with whom all Four Golden Threads connect, you have the opportunity to get to know this person’s innate gifts and wounds, to love and accept the good with the bad and to work with all of it, because the blessings are so damn worth it.

The trick is to enter into the relationship fully cognizant of the fact that in order for a relationship to be healthy, fulfilling and sustainable for both parties, all four threads need attention and nurturing. Ignore one and the relationship will, without a doubt, fail or be severely handicapped.

As humans we need to connect with all four threads to feel whole and truly express who we are.

To take this to an even higher level, ideally we want to be partnering with someone who is aligned with our life purpose, supporting us to authentically express our gifts and deepest passions so that our lives are rich and meaningful. This way of living is energizing and fuels us. That way, the relationship is not a source of energy, but rather a place to share ourselves. It becomes a shared journey rather than a place to get all of our needs met. It’s also a place where we can share our deepest fears and pain so they can be witnessed and healed. A good relationship will allow for a high level of trust, so that vulnerability comes naturally, hastening the healing process.

How sad that we were not taught how to use our most intimate relationships as a context for deep inner work and healing! Alas, many come to this place late in life and pay lots of money to do workshops, seminars and retreats to sort out the inner mess, not suspecting that when they return from those experiences, they’ll have to reconcile these issues in their relationships. This is a missed opportunity because while weekend workshops are great, the wisdom and insights don’t usually stick, which is why it’s better to work through issues in the ongoing “workshop” of our relationships.

All relationships are sacred ~ love combined with respect. All life is asking of us is to treat others and ourselves with love and respect. With The Four Golden Threads as our guide, we can partner with another in a way that nurtures and inspires us, and supports us to live the life of our highest joy.