Purr-fect Partner?

“If you really want to find the perfect human relationship,
look for someone who is cat-like,
likes to be alone and happy to be with you,
happy when you are there and happy when you’re not there,
licks your face occasionally, 
will take all the scratching and petting you are willing to offer,
feels secure,
sleeps when it feels like it,
hunts when he feels like it,
basks often.”

dobby rose
Dobby, my Ragamuffin cat

“Are you a Cat Person?

Meditates regularly,
never feels guilty, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever!
Does emphatically what he wants to do,
is always glad to see you,
never cares when you leave…

Seems like the perfect partner.”

Source: Abraham-Hicks 

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Why You Should Embrace More

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The Unseen Effects Of Embracing Someone by Frank M. Wanderer Ph.D.

Intimacy is one of the most elementary human needs. Its wealth nourishes the human soul. One of the most beautiful expressions of intimacy is when two people embrace each other. This wonderful human gesture — the hug — is a store of great secrets and benefits. So what are the secrets of the embrace? Embrace has a smaller and a greater secret…

The small secret of the embrace is that it has a wide range of positive physiological and psychological effects. For instance, it increases trust and confidence, it reduces anxiety, fear, and pain, boosts the immune system, and alleviates the aftermath of stress.

An embrace means closeness and warmth in human relations, it is the most intimate expression of love. An embrace reinforces connections, it affords a sense of safety and improves the intensity of two people’s sense of belonging together. An embrace provides us with the exceptionally intensive sense of belonging to another person — and it is not possible to generate the same emotion in any other way. An embrace is also a form of communication, and with it, we may express things that we are not able to put into words.

In essence, embracing tranquilizes the soul and, for a few moments, is able to make us forget the things and problems around us, which triggers numerous physical and psychological benefits.

Embracing as a Gateway~
In an embrace, our whole body is permeated by currents of energy, giving us a fine, pleasant feeling. This energy is love. In the embrace, in this current of love, a gateway opens up. Through the gate, some of our original state of existence shines through. This is the great secret of the embrace.

Our original state of existence is a state in which Consciousness is not identified with forms and shapes. This state of the Consciousness is Life itself, the state of Oneness, and empty space filled up completely with the vibrating energy of love that encompasses everything else.

In our present state of Consciousness we identify with the forms and shapes of this reality, and thus we are separated from Oneness. In that state, most of us have forgotten our original state of existence. Nowadays, the majority of people consider the Ego, that small, detached Self, as reality. That is the consequence of our identification with the world of forms and shapes.

An embrace is, however, able to dissolve our identification with those forms and shapes — we open up for the other person, we become receptive, and the Ego disappears. The stream of our thoughts stops, and only the present moment exists for us. Then, at that moment of alertness, we receive something from the immense, universal current of love coming to us through the gate that has opened up for us. Consciousness may wake up to its own existence, and it may escape from the spell of identification with the forms and shapes.

That is why it is useful to make use of the gateway opened up by an embrace as frequently as possible in our daily life.

Happy Relationships by Osho

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First become alone. First start enjoying yourself. First love yourself. First become so authentically happy that if nobody comes it doesn’t matter; you are full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay — you are not missing. You are not waiting for somebody to come and knock at the door. You are at home. If somebody comes, good, beautiful. If nobody comes, that too is beautiful and good.

Then move into relationship. Now you move like a master, not like a beggar. Now you move like an emperor, not like a beggar. And the person who has lived in his aloneness will always be attracted to another person who is also living his aloneness beautifully, because the same attracts the same. When two masters meet — masters of their being, of their aloneness — happiness is not just added, it is multiplied. It becomes a tremendous phenomenon of celebration. And they don’t exploit, they share. They don’t use each other. Rather, on the contrary, they both become one and enjoy the existence that surrounds them.

 

Status Symbol

kneeup brunette

“A well built physique is a status symbol. It reflects you worked hard for it, no money can buy it, you cannot borrow it, you cannot inherit it, you cannot steal it. You cannot hold onto it without constant work. It shows discipline, it shows self-respect, it shows patience, work ethic and passion.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Secure Love

The best gift you can give someone is the permission to feel safe in their own skin. To feel worthy, to feel enough.

single red rose

This is everything. We need to create secure and loving attachments. Most of us create and exist in relationships where we feel criticized, attacked and not safe to be ourselves. And often the source of this is not the specific relationship, but how we were interacted with as kids and growing up.

When we begin to look at “why” we get angry and defensive we can start to understand what our wounds are… and it is often the same one coming out in different ways with different people and situations. Because behind every emotional outburst is an unmet need… And this need correlates to a fear; a fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of being left.

This is why we must learn to cultivate an understanding of our emotional states…(meditation is such an important skill!) because in the fight we can begin to observe ourselves and why we’re feeling how we’re feeling. Look, growth and understanding these parts of ourselves is paramount to building great attachments that are healthy… where you feel like you can be you and your partner feels like they can be themselves too.

Until then we’re really just wearing blinders in our relationships and we’ll never know how to fully let someone love us… and our partner won’t feel like their wounds are being understood as well.

Once we get to this state of observation in our relationships we can cultivate much deeper relationships because finally WE are the ones showing up… not our representatives. And, in safe and secure attachments we feel like we can unfold and be ourselves. That’s where the f*cking money is.

Mark Groves

Conscious Relationships

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We are approaching a period of time when relationships are ready to go through a major redesign. The current paradigm isn’t working. People are unsatisfied in love; people don’t know how to make relationships work.

And, believe it or not, this isn’t a bad thing. Because when systems break-down, that’s when they change. I believe that’s what’s happening in the area of intimate partnership. The break-down is forcing us to move towards conscious love.

So what exactly is a conscious relationship?

It’s a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place.

As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.

But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfilment arise as a result.

So if you’re someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about. Welcome to the path of the conscious relationship. This is next-level love …

1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship – growth comes first.

Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you don’t care what happens! It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out.

What it means is: you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.”

The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.

Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.

We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves.

The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of out-growing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.

2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning their s#*t.

Conscious couples know that we all have wounds from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, overlooked and any other shitty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.

Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs.

The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.

3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned.

In a conscious relationship, there’s room to feel anything. Not only that, there’s room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory… it’s not easy to do. But it’s also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership
It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.

Like I already said, we’re used to moulding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.

The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love.

4. The relationship is a place to practice love.

Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.

Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.

Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?” The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before!

The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.”

Source: Shelly Bullard

A LETTER TO THE MEN WHO WISH TO LOVE ME

woodenchess pieces

I don’t want to be possessed.
I don’t want you to tell me I’m yours.
I don’t want to give in to the societal story line that love comes with need.

I don’t want you to need me.
I don’t need you.

It isn’t romantic to me when you tell me you need me. It isn’t romantic to me when I see you pretending to be something you aren’t, just so that I’ll stay with you. It isn’t romantic to me to hear the words “I can’t live without you.”
I want you to understand that needing isn’t a sign of love. It’s a sign of co-dependence. It’s a sign that something isn’t healthy. Something has gone awry. It makes me think that you are a parasite who wishes to feed off me.
I will not be your drug. I will not give my blood to a vampire. I will not help your addiction.

Ignore the movies that show lovers as soul mates with the string of words “I need you.”

I need you to need nothing.
I need you to be complete on your own.
I want you to neither want nor need me to complete you.

I want you to not need love, but at the same time, I do want you to be willing to receive it.

This I cannot compromise on.
If you need love, it’s not for me to give it you, it’s you who needs to give it to yourself. But if you are already full with your own self-love, I want to give you more. I want to overflow your cup with love, knowing that there is no cup to fill. There is no limit to the soulful heart. There is no cap on love. It is abundant and it ought to be shared. Freely. Unconditionally. With no strings attached.

I don’t see the point in shallow relationships. I’m here to love you. I’m here to grow with you. I’m here to challenge you and make you feel safe all at once. I’m here to stand by your side as you heal your past wounds. I’m here to strengthen your strengths, not weaken your energy for my own gain. I’m here to love you unconditionally with a force so strong that anyone unworthy would be intimidated.

I’m here to make you realize that you are a king, and I’ll treat you as such every day.
I’m not doing this to be adorned as a queen, because I already know I am one.
I know my own power, and I know my own beauty.
All I ask is that you know your own kingdom, and step into your role with humble honor.

Forget what society told us relationships are supposed to be.
I don’t need to be your girlfriend, and I don’t need you to be my boyfriend.
Let’s strip off these titles just as easily as we strip off our clothing.
I see no need for attachment.
I have no desire for dependence.
I am not a half looking to be filled or made complete by another.
I am whole, and so are you.

I don’t want anything from you.
I just want to love you freely.

Let’s forget our names and our bodies, let’s get enraptured in the divine union of God and Goddess coming together.

Jenna Galbut