Purr-fect Partner?

“If you really want to find the perfect human relationship,
look for someone who is cat-like,
likes to be alone and happy to be with you,
happy when you are there and happy when you’re not there,
licks your face occasionally, 
will take all the scratching and petting you are willing to offer,
feels secure,
sleeps when it feels like it,
hunts when he feels like it,
basks often.”

dobby rose
Dobby, my Ragamuffin cat

“Are you a Cat Person?

Meditates regularly,
never feels guilty, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever!
Does emphatically what he wants to do,
is always glad to see you,
never cares when you leave…

Seems like the perfect partner.”

Source: Abraham-Hicks 

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Conscious Relationships

yellow rose closeup
We are approaching a period of time when relationships are ready to go through a major redesign. The current paradigm isn’t working. People are unsatisfied in love; people don’t know how to make relationships work.

And, believe it or not, this isn’t a bad thing. Because when systems break-down, that’s when they change. I believe that’s what’s happening in the area of intimate partnership. The break-down is forcing us to move towards conscious love.

So what exactly is a conscious relationship?

It’s a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place.

As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.

But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfilment arise as a result.

So if you’re someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about. Welcome to the path of the conscious relationship. This is next-level love …

1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship – growth comes first.

Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you don’t care what happens! It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out.

What it means is: you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.”

The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.

Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.

We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves.

The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of out-growing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.

2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning their s#*t.

Conscious couples know that we all have wounds from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, overlooked and any other shitty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.

Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs.

The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these beliefs systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.

3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned.

In a conscious relationship, there’s room to feel anything. Not only that, there’s room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory… it’s not easy to do. But it’s also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership
It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.

Like I already said, we’re used to moulding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.

The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love.

4. The relationship is a place to practice love.

Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.

Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.

Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?” The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before!

The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. And through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.”

Source: Shelly Bullard

couple roses

“I didn’t come looking for you the day you uninvitedly appeared on my doorstep
 
How did we go from nonchalant conversation
to me waiting for you to turn me off
with corny jokes and mind dumbing conversation
 
To love and mind blowing chemistry that I’ve yet to make sense of
 
What are you here to teach me?”
 

Scarabs and Synchronicity

Last nite, I watched Cronos by Guillermo del Toro. This is a Mexican horror-drama movie with a refreshing spin on the usual vampire [read: blood] story. In the film, an alchemist created a golden scarab — a machine that gave the user eternal life. Admittedly, the flick was more entertaining than I expected and is now in my list of favourite horror comedies.

Cronos-1993
Cronos DVD cover

Today, I visited my favourite Metaphysical store Visions to check an item purchased for the store that I was looking for. The crystal turned out not exactly to my liking so I had to pass on it but something in the store did catch my eye. Since I was also looking for a wear-able moonstone, I’m now the proud owner of the sterling silver scarab pendant pictured below. The beetle pendant has garnet head, which reminds me of the sun, and a moonstone body, which reminds me of Khepri.  Khepri is among the oldest of Egyptian Gods; he moved the sun into the sky every morning. Khepri (morning sun) was said to be an aspect of Ra (midday sun) and was represented in Egyptian mythology as a scarab-headed man.

scarab moonstone garnet
My lovely scarab pendant

The scarab is powerful ancient symbol of creation, rebirth, and renewal. For me, it’s a reminder that the Universe likes to make inside jokes with me by revealing synchronicities like this film and this pendant in the sequence presented. I appreciate the new necklace I have and I love the balanced energy emanated by the moonstone and garnet combo 🙂

Working For Other People

From the Abraham-Hicks workshop in Albuquerque, NM on August 1st, 2000:

work tech mobile paper pen writing

Is it an employment “opportunity” or bondage? Because what you really want is freedom, many of you equate working for other people as bondage. But if you would realize that the corporation, as an entity, is not so different from the individual, it might be easier to understand the employer’s decisions. Long before the buildings or the workers, the visionary of the corporation had an idea for something that began summoning Energy.

So years later maybe you are hired as a part of that team and, without realizing it, you are now the beneficiary of that continuing flowing Energy. When you step into one of those employment positions, Life Force is summoned through you because of the vision of the founder—unless you’re bucking the current. Most get into that fast moving stream and paddle against the current—and then complain about it being a hard ride—where they could get into their canoe and easily paddle with the fast moving current.

You can soar and thrive in any environment as long as you are not seeing things that you are using as your reason to paddle against the current. And so, it doesn’t really matter what others are deciding. The questions is: “As I am choosing to stand here, it’s a way for dollars to flow through me in exchange for the effort I am offering. Am I predominantly letting the Energy flow through me, or not? Am I letting it in?

 

The Four Golden Threads

thread flowers
This article is inspired by the collective wisdom of a year-long Meetup group Victoria Fann co-facilitated in 2012 called The Enigma of Love. Twice a month, 24 men and women came together to share their experiences and insights about love.

In order for an intimate relationship to be healthy and sustainable, “The Four Golden Threads” — Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual — need to be active and connected between two people. When entering into an intimate relationship, many people don’t pause long enough to make sure that all of these threads are lit up and in alignment with their partner. This simple misstep can lead to short-term pain or long-term misery, especially when two mismatched partners get married and have children together. Ultimately, what’s missing in the beginning will be the thing that derails the relationship in the end.

Think about it. In the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and fresh, we often tell ourselves, “So what if everything’s not quite what we’re looking for?” However, over time, little bits of compromise creep in. We see what we want to see and ignore the rest. It’s usually months or years later, in retrospect that we see that the clues of what went wrong were always there; we just chose not to pay attention to them.

Let’s first examine each of “The Four Golden Threads” with special attention to the impact of their absence:

Physical~
If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent physical connection, what might that look like?

-No chemistry
-No passion or excitement
-No playful flirting and fun
-No meaningful or close feelings of intimacy
-No deep levels of affection

Emotional~
If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent emotional connection, what might that look like?

-No shared vulnerability
-No healing of emotional wounds
-No understanding of your emotional states
-No compassion or empathy for your experience
-No real nurturing or heartfelt affection

Intellectual~
If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent intellectual connection, what might that look like?

-No one to share your big picture interests
-No one to talk with for long hours into the night
-No one to share your favorite movies, music, theater, books, etc.
-No one to continually pique your interest and curiosity
-No one to learn new things from

Spiritual~
If we enter a relationship with a weak or absent spiritual connection, what might that look like?

-No shared values or vision
-No one to witness your experiences
-No one to support you as you navigate the inner realms
-No one to see and recognize your Higher Self
-No spiritual companion

It’s much easier to see when spelled out this way. Once you recognize the warning signs, you might not want to get involved with someone you thought was a perfect partner after all. Far better to open your eyes, get some clarity before you make a long-term commitment and find yourself in the land of regret. In addition, when one of The Four Golden Threads is missing, you’ll always have that gnawing feeling in the core of your being telling you something’s wrong.

Examining “The Four Golden Threads” helps us to move this subject out of the closet, where it’s vague and hidden, into the light to be seen. Once illuminated, we can recognize our patterns of behavior.

Why then, are so many of us willing to compromise and leave one of these four threads out? More than likely it’s due to the following:

-Fear of being alone
-Wanting someone (anyone) to share life’s experiences with
-Not believing that someone with all four areas of compatibility is out there
-Impatience
-A lack of trust in life
-A desire to escape from one’s self
-Pressure from friends and family to be in a relationship
-A willingness to settle for less than you deserve

This list helps to clarify something that can be difficult to see and opens up the possibility of making different choices going forward.

Now that we’ve shed some light on what can happen when one of The Four Golden Threads is missing, let’s imagine what it would be like to partner with someone with whom all Four Golden Threads connect.

Your Partner…

… shares vulnerabilities with you
… is willing to help you heal your emotional wounds
… understands your emotional states
… is compassionate and has empathy for your experience
… shares your interests
… supports your creative expression
… enjoys talking with you for long hours into the night
… enjoys sharing your favorite movies, music, theater, books with you
… continually piques your interest and curiosity
… is attracted to you
… enjoys meaningful or close feelings of intimacy with you
… frequently expresses deep levels of affection with you
… has chemistry with you
… shares and supports your beliefs, values and life purpose
… wants to witness your experiences
… supports you as you navigate the inner realms
… loves you unconditionally, both your gifts and your wounds

This may sound idealistic and a bit too good to be true, however, when you look at the option of leaving one of those things out, it doesn’t seem even worth pursuing a relationship like that. Does this mean we need to seek the impossible in a partner? Do we need to look for the perfect match?

No, neither of those things.

It means we need to look for the perfect partner for us. We’re not looking for a pie-in-the-sky dream partner, we’re looking for someone whose gifts and wounds match well with our own. In other words, when you meet someone with whom all Four Golden Threads connect, you have the opportunity to get to know this person’s innate gifts and wounds, to love and accept the good with the bad and to work with all of it, because the blessings are so damn worth it.

The trick is to enter into the relationship fully cognizant of the fact that in order for a relationship to be healthy, fulfilling and sustainable for both parties, all four threads need attention and nurturing. Ignore one and the relationship will, without a doubt, fail or be severely handicapped.

As humans we need to connect with all four threads to feel whole and truly express who we are.

To take this to an even higher level, ideally we want to be partnering with someone who is aligned with our life purpose, supporting us to authentically express our gifts and deepest passions so that our lives are rich and meaningful. This way of living is energizing and fuels us. That way, the relationship is not a source of energy, but rather a place to share ourselves. It becomes a shared journey rather than a place to get all of our needs met. It’s also a place where we can share our deepest fears and pain so they can be witnessed and healed. A good relationship will allow for a high level of trust, so that vulnerability comes naturally, hastening the healing process.

How sad that we were not taught how to use our most intimate relationships as a context for deep inner work and healing! Alas, many come to this place late in life and pay lots of money to do workshops, seminars and retreats to sort out the inner mess, not suspecting that when they return from those experiences, they’ll have to reconcile these issues in their relationships. This is a missed opportunity because while weekend workshops are great, the wisdom and insights don’t usually stick, which is why it’s better to work through issues in the ongoing “workshop” of our relationships.

All relationships are sacred ~ love combined with respect. All life is asking of us is to treat others and ourselves with love and respect. With The Four Golden Threads as our guide, we can partner with another in a way that nurtures and inspires us, and supports us to live the life of our highest joy.

Source:  https://wakeup-world.com/2015/05/24/the-four-golden-threads/

Making Meaningful Moments

How fun can it be?
How much fun can I have in the process?
How many fun-filled friends can I meet along the way? 
How much fun can we have while masterminding together?

I flow on this joyous river,
and I experience the exhilarating feeling
of motion toward my JOYOUS expansion.

~ Abraham-Hicks

children playing

Looking through my Facebook feed earlier, I found the quote above shared by one of my fave people there. Since it’s the new year, I feel there’s a palpable energy in the air. It could just be me being excited that spring is coming!

I love when the season turns and it gets brighter outside. I love warm weather! Whereas some people may experience SAD [seasonal affective disorder], I can empathize because I experience something akin to wanting to just stay-in a lot in the winter. Yes, I would go to gatherings and do social events but normally, they are gatherings inside places with central heating or inviting fireplaces! 🙂

On cold, winter nights, I find myself making good use of things like saunas, steamrooms, and heated indoor pools. As much as I love playing outdoor tennis, I limit myself to playing only when the ground is play-able. On days when it’s too slick or dangerous to play [like the courts having too many icy patches], I focus on weight training in the gym, alone. I find this wards off the seriousness I feel over the holidays.

Ultimately, that is what I enjoy — the camaraderie and the sharing of a meaningful moment with someone. That someone could be my partner, my students, the many random people I meet while playing outside, or the people I know from my tennis group that I see weekly during practices. That someone could also, and is often, myself! You see, I enjoy my own company that I enjoy being alone, public or otherwise.

I sincerely believe that life is about weaving together a series of meaningful moments. These moments can be silly, serious, fun, enlightening, playful. These moments can be found while you are alone, running at park, reading a book at a café, sharing a smile with an attractive stranger on the Skytrain, or sharing a joke with colleagues during your lunch break.

The point is, you make these moments, because you are a creator. Creative life force flows through you and people are magnetized to you by your energy. If, like me, you’re happy with what you’re getting, then please continue what you’re doing! But if you’re less than satisfied, figure out what makes you happy/happier, and then do that. The new year is the perfect time for starting new habits.

I hope that you find these meaningful moments. Make some great ones! 2018 is about making new memories, meeting new friends, and experiencing as much joy as you can. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you! Happy 2018!!!