I made this collage 8 years ago when I first started seriously blogging. It was made as my desktop wallpaper to remind me to make writing a daily habit. My 1st-ever blog was something on LiveJournal. I found the site’s functionality to be quite limited so I then switched to Blogger. As time went on, I was never fully satisfied posting on either site. Please don’t try to look for either because I’ve deleted my blogs on both.
This Easter long weekend, I reflect upon how grateful I am to be here on WordPress (WP). I love the functionality of WP because it’s amazing how many options I can customize here! I really enjoy meeting/getting to know many bloggers on WP too! Some have followed me on this blog, some on Twitter, some connected with me on Facebook and LinkedIn while some don’t follow me at all but keep liking my posts 🙂
This blog, Styx Communications, saw its 1st post on October 2013 with me saying I woke up to the smell of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. Fast forward to October 2014 and I launched my Creative Writing blog coup de plume. The 1st post on that blog was a rhyming poem called Je t’aime. Interestingly, both entries for both blogs refer to the same person, the
love of my life “the Frenchman.” Prior to our separation, I was with him daily since we met for the 4 1/2 years we were together.
Since I don’t do rebounds or partake in binges in drink, drugs or other things I now deem useless like one-night stands or FWBs (friends with benefits, of which I’m not ashamed to have had as a youth), I’m centred. I’m no masochist but I welcomed all the nerve-wracking sobs, the pain that gripped my chest as if I’m having a heart attack and the impending sense of doom that I’ve just lost a life partner. Yes, change can hurt but it’s necessary for personal or spiritual evolution (in my case). As I told my girl friend, I was the centre of someone’s world. I was loved, cherished and adored. We were deeply in love with each other then; now the time has come to move on. I know that nothing lasts forever and I’m appreciative this (yes, everything) happened. Change is the only constant.
I’m not ready to date YET, casual or otherwise, so I’ve turned down everyone who’s asked me out to lunch, dinner, coffee/tea, tennis, whatever, lest they have an ulterior motive. I’m delighted people have expressed interest and despite being appreciative I must respectfully decline. I don’t wanna do anything remotely romantic at this point. Honestly, I have more introspection to do and I need to do that alone. I’ve been journalling at home, writing poems, reading inspirational quotes, watching romantic comedies and just being. Prior to this weekend, I’ve just been filled with a deep sense of calm. Emotionally, I’ve become very stable i.e. I don’t get angry or saddened whenever I see a pic of my ex, not even on my phone from any texts I receive (I have asked him to not text me anymore). I credit this to almost 2 months of ho’oponopono and huna meditation which is an ancient Hawaiian healing practice.
Believe it or not, 55 days after the breakup, I’ve moved on. This speedy healing was preceded by heavy doses of meditating, crying it all out and receiving love from close friends — some who called me on the phone, chatted with me in IM, gone with me for hikes, joined me for dancing or karaoke, brought me to movies, bought me lunches or dinners, went walking at the local park with me and anything and everything just to get me to have fun. Everyone’s effort and energy worked well because I feel almost back to my happy old self again. Soon I will be back to the charismatic, magnetic and cheerful me that everyone knows. It’s REALLY an exciting time!
This wolf/woman collage at the beginning of this post reminds me that my future is built upon my present but INFLUENCED by my past. I’ll learn the lessons I need, opening myself and my heart in the process. I’ve come to learn that heartbreak is not just pain and that relationships are an opportunity to grow! My heart just got expanded! I sincerely believe that I now have a greater capacity to give and receive love because of recent events!
- I’m fine on my own. I think it’s healthy to have phases of singlehood and coupledom. Regarding intimate relationships, I’m in it for the expansion i.e. I love interacting with powerful co-creators to enhance the adventure story of my life. I love where I am and I love where I’m going.
- I like belonging to a pack and being in a couple allowed me to be in a very intimate/exclusive tribe. I’ve realized that I enjoy being the Alpha (female). I hope that one day in the future, I’ll be with another Alpha — a mate who’s strong, proud and powerful like me. He is loving, loyal and giving. He celebrates the full expression of his being. I love his divine masculinity! He welcomes me back home, always with open arms. [Until then, I’m a free agent PROUDLY flying solo and singing songs to the moon.]
- I like loving and being loved back. I give freely and lovingly to all I meet be they friend or future lover. I always ensure I’m friends with someone first before they become a lover (because I require that sort of foundation for an exclusive, committed relationship). I won’t be dating anytime soon (by choice) because I want to just enjoy being! I AM FREE.
True freedom and the end of suffering is living in such a way as if you had completely chosen whatever you feel or experience at this moment. This inner alignment with Now is the end of suffering.
Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no.
If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion. You would not be reading this now. Suffering cracks open the shell of ego, and then comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.